A special request to all non-footballing loving women...Dear Wife, Partner, Girlfriend, Aunt, Niece, Mother, Grandmothers, Maids, n' all other possible forms of Women......
1. From 9 June to 9 July
2006, you should read the sports section of the newspaper so that you are aware of what is going on regarding the World Cup, and that way you will be able to join in the conversations. If you fail to do this, then you will be looked at in a bad way, or you will be totally ignored. DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention.
2. During the World Cup, the television is mine, at all times, without any exceptions. If you even take a glimpse of the remote control, you will lose it (your eye).
3. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, I don't mind, as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without distracting me. If you decide to stand nude in front of the TV, make sure you put clothes on right after because if you catch a cold, I won’t have time to take you to the doctor or look after you during the World Cup month.
4. During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute, unless I require a refill of my drink or something to eat. You are out of your mind if you expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or pick up the baby that just fell on the floor....It won't happen.
5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 2 six packs in the fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on, and please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch the games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV between 12am and 6am, unless they replay a good game that I missed during the day.
6. Please, please, please!! If you see me upset because one of my teams is losing, DO NOT say "get over it, its only a game", or "don't worry, they'll win next time". If you say these things, you will only make me angrier and I will love you less. Remember, you will never ever know more about football than me and your so called "words of encouragement" will only lead to a break up or divorce.
7. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to me during halftime but only when the commercials are on, and only if the half-time score is pleasing me. In addition, please note I am saying "one" game; hence do not use the World Cup as a nice cheesy excuse to "spend time together".
8. The replays of the goals are very important. I don't care if I have seen them or I haven't seen them, I want to see them again. Many times.
9. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child related parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because:
a) I will not go,
b) I will not go, and
c) I will not go.
10. But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to watch a game, we will be there in a flash.
11. The daily World Cup highlights shown on TV every night is just as important as the games themselves. Do not even think about saying "but you have already seen this...why don't you change the channel to something we can all watch?" because, the reply will be, "Refer to Rule #2 of this list".
12. And finally, please save your expressions such as "Thank God the World Cup is only every 4 years". I am immune to these words, because after this comes the Champions League, Italian League, Spanish League, Premier League, FA Cup, etc.
Thank you for your cooperation.
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More so the animals. More pets are being neglected and abandoned as human
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3 years ago
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But I still cannot understand why people curse, scream and shout at the TV in the middle of the nights.
ReplyDeleteDUMB?
Well...in the letter he forgets to mention that he tends to be so engrossed with the game that he feels he is right there, screaming and yelling at the players or referee!...the tv screen appears invisible.
ReplyDeleterobin - dumb and dumber? me too! ;)
ReplyDeleteso typical. don't want to comment lah. *turns away with nose in the air* by publishing it, you are endorsing it. eeekkk, said i wasn't going to comment *covers mouth and quickly walks away*
ReplyDeleteDumb? haha..
ReplyDeleterefer to point no. 4
if only the telecast is during the day, you won't be hearing them curse, scream and shout in the middle of the night. Definitely not mute.
I guess non football fans are having problems sleeping at night too. Hmmm, quite like non smokers who get the same ill effects around smokers.
Owh look what you did Robin, you made us talk about the game...
I can see the answer to this letter now....
ReplyDelete"Dear boyfriend or hubby, etc,
Don't worry about me. Go with the guys and enjoy yourself. I found a guy who doesn't care about football and while you're watching TV or going to a game or yakking about it with your pals and what ever, he'll be taking me to dinner, a movie, or out on his boat, or perhaps kayaking.
So 1)I won't complain about lack of your attention. 2) You can have the TV all you want. 3) I'll be out of the home so I won't walk in front of it. 4) You are normally blind, deaf, and mute with regard to my needs anyway so what's different? 5) I keep beer and snacks on hand for when my friend comes over while you're at work anyway.
6) I understood your infantile attachment to your team when I married you. 7) No worries - there will be "no game" that I watch. 8) Orgasms are as important to me as goals are to you. I like to expericence them over and over many times. 9) a) good b) good c) good. 10) YOU will be there in a flash. I have other things to do, sweety. 11) I'll be in antoher room, watch whatever you like. 12) Please save your expressions such as "where have you been all night?" Cause after After Jim, comes Bill, and George, and Edward.....
You have your favorite recreation and I'll have mine."
Pandabonium, Touche!!!
ReplyDeleteAnother possible wife reply:
ReplyDelete"It's okay, dear. I've just discovered a new sports passion of my own. It involves a baseball bat and a TV screen..."
On point 9 you left off choice d)all of the above.
ReplyDeleteThis also applies to the Stanley Cup and NBA Finals. My daughter learned that last night when she tried to watch Pride and Prejudice.
haha..happy to see this posted here...
ReplyDeletedo you know there's a female reply to the male?
Some football widows do try to join in the soccer fraternity , but then, they keep pestering with questions.
ReplyDeleteSilly Questions:
1) Where is the World Cup held har?
2) How long is the World Cup har?
3) Who is this Rooney chap?
4) How come Australia is so good, ah? They only play footy, right? What's the difference, har?
Smarter Questions:
1) Oh, I know this Cole from England. Last time he played for MU. Andy Cole, right?
2) How come Thierry Henry's surname is not pronounced as Hen-ree but Hun-rye?
3) What is offside, har?
The guys just roll their eyes up. Esp the Cole question.
Ugh Hum.. it's tough to be your wife huh?? Throughout the year, not just during world cup season.
ReplyDelete