Just to share with you an incident after the talk on "Is there a Good Death?" at Ren Ci Community Hospital on 15 Oct 2011 (Sat).
During the tea break, I saw a rather young girl having a sandwich alone at a corner and was pleasantly surprise to know that she is only 14 years old. As with most people after the talk, I went forward to ask the usual questions of whether they liked the talk and what they had learnt that was useful.
I was shocked to hear that her mother was dying and the purpose of her coming to my lecture was to learn enough so that she can help to make her mother's death more comfortable. I immediately asked her what she had learnt, hopefully to help re-enforce the crucial points. She slowly took out her pink note book, open the page and closed it, as if memorizing. Then she looked into my eyes, and said, "I am going to tell her that death is natural and everyone dies. It is only a matter of time that someone is dying.. and it is ok for her to go, though I will miss her."
I held back my tears as I see her doing the same. I smiled, and gave me my name card. I wrote down my personal handphone number on the card and told her to call me if she needed any help. I didn't carry on my conversation, because I know both of us will cry if we continued.
She is a brave girl and a filial daughter. And I am sure she will be able to help her mother go through this tough times.
As a speaker, I am mindful that everyone in the audience would be different, from their religions, their cultures, their beliefs, and their reasons for coming to my talks. Grace (not her full name) would be one of the reason for me to continue this talk and continue to push this talk to those who don't want to come or don't think that death should be spoken about.
P.S. I have initially planned that this would be my last public talk, since it took me a lot of time to prepare and inviting 1000 plus only to get 23 responses was not very encouraging. But I am glad this brave young audience thought me this lesson.
Thank you Grace, may you and your mum be well and happy.
May you be well, happy, peaceful.
With Gratitude,
ROBIN
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Touching. And she is so brave. Thanks for sharing, Robin.
ReplyDeleteThere's your karma. You were meant to be there for that girl. She will never forget your session. You did a wonderful thing!
ReplyDeleteRobin, I have been witness to a good death: my mother-in-law's. She was into her nineties, still active in her ceramics studio and teaching until shortly before she died. She took her comfortable time in going through the process--two weeks of quiet in bed with no food and only occasional sips of water; and slipped away peacefully when the moment came. My wife looked through the window at the moment and saw a white dove fly off from the studio roof... A great lesson in how it can be done. I'm hoping I may be allowed consciousness and clarity until the end...
ReplyDeleteinteresting questions. imho it really depends on circumstances
ReplyDeleteif healthy, a good death would be like one described by "peteratlarge". go quietly & peaceful. witness one myself too, my uncle's father who passes away peacefully in sleep.
if unhealthy & hospitalized, good death will be to pass away quickly & painlessly so that expensive medical treatment doesn't crippled family financial as well to shorten the suffering.
I am conducting an online research survey on End of Life and a Good Death and need your help. It was my PhD project which I have completed the pilot study and now going into full research.
ReplyDeleteClick here to take survey:
http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/687QMT3
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